Hi, I’d like to 
introduce myself. My name is Michael Flanagan and Welcome to the Find Your Inner Self Blog.
After suffering a breakdown in 2010, the treatment & therapies I had introduced me to areas of self help, therapies & concepts that I had never previously heard about / thought about / considered.
Yoga & meditation are therapies that formed part of my treatment, I was introduced to Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), Mindfullness, Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), Neuro Linguistic Programing (NLP), self hypnosis & relaxation audio.
These therapies and techniques sparked an interest in further cognitive self improvement and exploration of the latent but inherent capabilities of the human mind. I have also developed a curiosity into what is now regarded as “fringe” areas of psychology and human psychic abilities.
Another area that I stumbled upon and has taken my fascination, is the Law of Attraction and the concept of some sort of universal, ethereal connection amongst all of us that influences our lives. At one time, I would have dismissed such topics out-of-hand and regarded them as fantasy, garbage, or ramblings of the delusional.
Pardon the pun, but I now have more of an open mind about such things!
I’ve shared my full story below, if you care to read further.
Mike Flanagan
www.findyourinnerself.com
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Monday August 2nd 2010
The six o’clock alarm on the morning of Monday August 2nd 2010 was not a welcome sound. The high pitched beep was unrelenting & demanding as it signalled the official end of my peaceful week off work. It was now just a memory, a restful vacation at the Lakes for a whole week, far away from the reach of cell-phone or broadband connectivity. Peace, tranquillity, beautiful green rolling hills, fresh unpolluted air.
The 3 weeks before my vacation had been extremely hectic. My diary was overflowing as I was juggling a seemingly endless stream of early morning teleconferences; late night meetings; urgent emails; texts and calls. Issues that needed resolving; decisions that needed making; reports and paper work that needed doing and people that needed managing. In the middle of finalizing a major account sure wasn’t a good time to take a vacation (is there ever a good time!?) but I knew that I would crack if I didn’t.
Anyway, back to the morning of Monday August 2nd 2010. Walking through the office doors, my thoughts began to focus again on business matters. Issues and problems I had left behind for a week were resurfacing in my mind. I resolved that I deliberately would not switch on my laptop and phone until I sat down at my desk. I wanted to keep that sense of peace and tranquillity for as long as I could.
Then, as soon as I’d turned on my laptop and cell-phone – BAM! My email inbox filled with hundreds of emails, a large number of which had that red, intimidating exclamation mark indicating urgency. At the same time, my cell-phone was beeping and ringing with text and voice messages – colleagues had also (thoughtfully!) covered my desk phone with post-it notes containing names & contact details of people who had been trying to urgently contact me in that week. My heart sank, I felt overwhelmed, and it wasn’t even nine o’clock yet!
Sucking black coffee through that small hole in the plastic cover on my cup, I sought motivation through the caffeine. I would have to get up to speed on the Account’s activities and decisions made during that week, so I started to plan ad-hoc debrief sessions with specific key individuals. It was extremely difficult to get into the swing of things on that Monday morning. Motivation and interest were very low, but I tried to mentally shrug it off as the “Return to Work Blues”. Removal of the plastic coffee cup cover and a large gulp of coffee required!
I was hunched over my laptop screen, scribbling notes in my notebook. Time had gone by and I hadn’t noticed that the office had filled up with people.
I was in my own little fraught world.
My heart was beating quickly and my forehead and upper body was sweating. With my head bowed and my eyes staring at the floor, avoiding any eye contact with people.
It was only about 10:00am, but felt like I had been there for hours.
A colleague tapped me on the shoulder – which made me jump – he told me it was time for the urgent client teleconference in one of the meeting rooms (one of the urgent emails I had not yet got to).
Sitting in the meeting room with about six other people meant that I had to acknowledge them, although I didn’t really want to talk. A shiver started in my belly and I spoke generally to everyone and asked if it was cold in the room, the feedback from all indicated that it was not.
The teleconference started and I realized that the shaking was becoming more pronounced. I couldn’t take notes because my right hand was shaking, so I sat through the meeting with my arms folded and other than introducing myself at the start of the meeting, I sat silently throughout it.
My thoughts were not tuned in to what was being spoken about and I experienced a dream like feeling, as though I was an invisible observer. Closing my eyes at times and more pronounced shaking did not go unnoticed.
After the teleconference, I was asked if I was OK. Still shaking, I put my jacket on and went to get another black coffee. I thought I was coming down with flu.
Not really being aware of the passage of time, a good 30 to 45 minutes had gone by before I returned to my desk. Feelings welling up inside were making me increasingly anxious and I experienced a pressing urge to get out of the building. Physically shaking, I announced that I really did not know what was happening and that I was going home.
It transpired that I had experienced a severe nervous breakdown.
But even now, over two years later, I’m still not 100% recovered. Confidence, self-esteem, motivation and good positive feelings take a long time to regain. Therapy and reading a heap of Self Help & Psychology have helped me enormously and continue to do so. As does Relaxation and Self- Hypnosis recordings – from companies I have referenced on this website.
My car was only parked about forty feet from the main entrance to the building, but it seemed a lot further. Anxiety was building up inside me, my forehead and upper body began to sweat, the urgency to leave was starting to develop into a panic. I ignored everyone as I rushed to get to my car.
The only priority I now had was to get away.
Sitting in the car still physically shaking, I knew that I had to try and compose myself enough to drive home. The distance from there to my house is only around twelve miles, but it seemed like a hundred and twelve – and all traffic lights were against me. My cellphone was ringing and beeping incessantly.
I ignored it and then switched it off – my concept of urgency no longer related to what was happening on the Account.
What has followed from that day has included three weeks at a Retreat, with intensive therapies, yoga and meditation. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), Mindfullness, Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), hypnosis etc…
As I said in my introduction at the top of the page, my mind has now been opened to a whole lot of things I would never have previously considered.
Mike Flanagan
www.findyourinnerself.com
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